Writer's Block: *Lightbulb Goes Off*

[Error: unknown template qotd] Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Engrish Speekers Wunted.

Sooo, Engrish is cracking me up as of late.  It started with Mistress Lizzards Escalfowne Engrish.  I think it was the confusing of Reeden with Dryden and the change of Folken to Florken that did me in.  Anyway, I felt like sharing some of the hiliarity outside of my MySpace page.

"Slip carefully."

--Make sure the Slip and Slide is not over lubricated with baby oil.--

"Attention: Don’t jumping in elevator.  If you do it, it’s gonna be stop.  And you must be locked up."

--Damn those kids jumping elevators!  Good to know high security lockdown awaits.--

"MorningWood."

--Insert dirty joke here...--

"Total Life Shop - Coma."

--Because you too can have a total life in a coma.--

"A Nice Electric Shock."

--Because a bad electric shock would be, well, bad.--

"Stop recieving visitors 8:30-4."

--That’s because it’s my time to play golf, dammit!--

"Deformed man lavatory."

--That way regularly formed people won’t laugh at his other deformed parts.--

"To take notice of safe.  The slippery are very crafty."

--Yeah, they just sneak up on you and the next thing you know you’re on your ass in front of hundreds of strangers.--

(In airport) "For Sunshine."

--Yup, Florida gets it’s own terminal.--

"Shicken."

--Goes great with shmashed shotatoes and sholeslaw.--

"Quickly fix the camera."

--Because you’re missing a great photo op of this Engrish sign.--

"Help protect the cultural relics.  Help protect the railings."

--What they’re not telling you is that the railings are an endangered species and therefore a cultural relic.--

(under the Chinese on the directional sign) "You have gone into TONGZHOU.  You have gone into SHUNYI."

--Just so long as you haven’t gone into THE LIGHT.--

"Disturbing the work prohibition against penetration."

--Hand jobs only from here on in.--

"Thank you for coming to the store today.  For a lot of reservations, there is it about a vistor without a reservation when I cannot guide you.  Specifically, to a person of a person in charge."

--You know, after you read it a few times, it almost makes sense.--

"When carrying a parasol, please be careful to get in the way of other people around you."

--Rule No.1 in Being a Public Nussiance 101.--

"This WC is free of washing.  Please leave off after shitting or pissing."

--It’s a WC for God’s sake!  If you don’t want to wash your hands in a toilet, use a bush!--

"Because you are dangerous, you must not enter."

--Great, now even the signs are telling me I’m a danger to myself.--

"The market is crowded with lots of trucks, special vehicles and people.  Be careful not to be injured all of the time please."

--Being injured part of the time is perfectly acceptable though.--

"Wastern Park.  Projection Room.  Cripple Way."

--Finally, cripples get a road of their own.--

"Check out time is 10 am.  Please reture the key and the airconnitionning remode control at front dask.  Thank you...."

--Heaven forbid you try to control the airconnitionning by remode after you check out...--

"Born to be chicken."

--Before Steppenwolf decided on Born to be Wild.--

"This area infested by bear."

--Damn bear infestations.  Can’t do a damn thing about it."

"Police Tips:  Avoid being stolen should always be remembered.  Be prepared for danger in times of safety."

--Really, it’s all common sense stuff.  Of course you should avoid being stolen!--

"Relic protected, no scratch."

--It’s a relic people, not a scratch’n’sniff sticker!  Duh!--

"Shcool."

--Now kids, if you’re on your way to school and see this and think nothing of it - get off the bus.  Do us all a favor, m’kay?--

"Sotp."

--Apparently the street painter was drunk the day he painted this.--

"Safty."

--Can also be spelled "tafys" or "fatsy."--

"Sensor teporarily temporarily out of service.  Please use manual button below."

--Way to catch the spelling there, guys.  Not professional, but at least they realized it was there.--

"Motercycle."

--And where do I park my moterhome?--

"Simply Fashion.  Simply Fashions."

--These are two signs on the same store.  Are they having an identiy crisis or just suffering from multiple personalities?--

"Touching wires causes instant death.  $200 fine."

--Just tack that on to funeral expenses, okay?--

"Homade Chili."

--Becasue pimps were facing lean times and needed another source of income.--

"Foot Care, Body Care, Head Care, Horny Care."

--The all inclusive massage parlor.  Pick from any of our services or have all four!--

"Tarek B. Ass. Manager."

--I have an Ass. Manager.  His name is Eric.--

"Law Breker."

--Nothing strikes fear into the hearts of employers quite like misspelled strike signs.--

"Key to Sucese."

--I think I’ll find the key to sucess elsewhere, thank you.--

"Sund(a)y paper.  $1.00 special."

--It’s only a buck because it’s filled with spelling errors, grammar errors, and punctuation errors.--

"New Toliets.  --->"

--I don’t know what a toliet is, but if it’s new, I wanna see one.--

"Regular, Silver, Ultmate."

--Frankly, I don’t think my engine is ready for silver or ultmate.  I’ll be sticking with the regular.--

"Potatoe-rama."

--Is a potatoe a relative of a potato?  Like tomatoe and tomato?--

"Fishing Bridge.  Closed to Fishing."

--The bridge can fish, but you with the pole, nope, not you.--

"Call Box Lounge.  Where good friends party hardly."

--This is the official home of the wake.--

(sign at the launch of the Endeavour) "Go Endeavor!"

--Wow, even rocket scientists can’t spell!--

"Natinal Hunger and Homelessness Awareness Week."

--To prove their point, "natinal" is hungry for it’s "o" which is also homeless.--

"NO PARKING in the area Prohibited by no WAIT CONES in forced by Avon & Sommerset Constabulary."

--Wow, if I lived in this town, I’d be worried.--

"For access dial 3095 seccurity."

--Nothing says security like an extra c.--

"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."

--I want to kiss this person.  They have just made my life.--

"There is not Internet connection at this time.  Thank you for your paient."

--Internet cafes meet medical facitilies.  You can have your appendix out as well as your triple shot soy latte.--

"Trophy Land.  Plagues.  Awards.  Specialty engraving and Trophies, Inc." 

--Do they bronze plate the plagues?  If so, I’ll take typhus and bubonic.--

The best part: you can check out the pictures here -

http://www.asylum.com/2008/04/09/lost-in-translation-awkward-signs-from-around-the-world/

Awesome.