Well, then. Now. I'll begin at the beginnin'.

St. Patrick's Day means one thing for me. No, not corned beef, cabbage and potatoes, though they certainly are part of it. It's the annual screening of the John Ford classic The Quiet Man. Ford's little Irish film was a departure from the westerns that he was known for, a certainly a gamble. Most studios passed on it, and it took John Wayne striking a deal with Herbert J. Yates of Republic Pictures to get the film made. And even then Ford, Wayne and Maureen O'Hara had to make Rio Grande first, as the western was expected to recoup any losses that The Quiet Man might incur.

So imagine everyone's surprise when the little Irish film became Republic Pictures' number one movie in terms of box office receipts and their only film to be nominated for Best Picture. The following is my recap and review of the film. If you haven't seen it, there be spoilers ahead!

( A fine soft day in the spring, it was, when the train pulled into Castletown, three hours late as usual, and himself got off. He didn't have the look of an American tourist at all about him. Not a camera on him; what was worse, not even a fishin' rod. )

Long recap/review is LOOOOOONG. Just so ya know.

The Banana Dose

Okay people. Hold on to your shiz-nit because we're getting real here.

The truth about the Banana Dose.

You may or may not swear off certain foods after reading this, but here are a few factors to keep in mind:

1) If you live in Alaska, I don't want to hear your hissy fit about radiation. Where you are, you get a shit-ton of solar radiation. Far more than the lower 48. And whatever reaches you from Japan will most likely be a pittance in comparison.

2) Radiation is EVERYWHERE. Now, in high doses this is bad. But more people die from dihydrogen oxide every year than radiation poisoning - ever. I'm actually willing to bet that more people die from dihydrogen oxide poisoning than radiation poisoning every year. And that's really hard to do.

3) Please bear in mind that you yourself are radioactive. It's how Carbon-14 dating works. Without the radioactive isotope of Carbon-14, you can't carbon date. That's why you can carbon date organic material but not inorganic material. So if someone says that they carbon dated a pot, well, they're a moron.

4) Classic orange Fiesta Ware had higher than normal amounts of uranium oxide in the paint. (I've played with a Geiger counter around one of these plates before. It's fun to watch it freak out.) And that shit was everywhere back in the seventies.

For crying out loud, people. Radiation is everywhere. And like most substances (the aforementioned dihydrogen oxide, for example) it is bad is high doses. But the fact of the matter is that radiation really is everywhere and it's not going to be going anywhere soon. And if you happen to have granite counter tops in your home, then bully for you, you're living in a hotbed of it, and you probably made an active choice for that one.

I have lived almost my entire life within a ten mile radius of a nuclear power plant. I do not: glow; have extra appendages; secrete odd substances; have gills, wings or any other mutant ability; rapidly heal myself (in fact I tend to heal slowly); control the weather; turn my skin into diamonds; have the ability to transport between two locations in an instant...or any other super power described in a Marvel comic.

NOR HAVE I EVER BEEN EXPOSED TO A HIGH DOSE OF RADIATION FROM THE POWER PLANT.

It doesn't work like that. If you want to know about nuclear power, DO go to the library and do some research but DO NOT watch The Simpsons. Learn about the different types of radiation. Because certain types can pass through the body harmlessly while other will linger and contribute to radiation poisoning.

And before you go all Chicken Little and proclaim to anyone who will listen that the end is neigh, make sure you have all the facts.

Because those of us who do bother to do a little research will laugh at you. And mock. Ruthlessly mock.