Haven/Hetalia Fic: Town Spirit
Nov. 30th, 2011 11:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mercy_angel_09Title: Town Spirit
Fandoms: Haven, Axis Powers Hetalia
Characters: Audrey Parker, Nathan Wuornos, Great Britain, America, Canada (and Kumajirou)
Rating: K+
Words: 2,146
Warnings: Crossover, crack!fic, speculations
Spoilers: Generic for Haven seasons one and two, none of Axis Powers Hetalia.
Author's Note: So, I was thinking about Audrey's origin, and I started thinking about Hetalia and how you have the Nation-tans, and that maybe Audrey could be some sort of living embodiment of Haven. A Haven-tan, in a manner of speaking. And, uh, the idea of Audrey reacting to Kumajirou forgetting about Canada and voicing his confusion. Because talking animals are a new, even for Haven.
Anyway! Crack!fic ensued. Um, enjoy, I suppose. Oh yeah, one last note, I cleaned up Britain's mouth because I felt that he was trying to make a good impression and swearing like a drunken sailor on leave wasn't going to accomplish that, though he does call America a tosser at one point - though that's pretty tame compared to his usual. So now you can enjoy.
~*~
There were few things in the world more boring than paperwork, and Audrey Parker was currently drowning in a sea of it. There were several large piles on her desk that she was slowing working through, each requiring the creative editing that the Troubles produced so that if an outsider looked at it, they wouldn’t immediately toss the entire department in the loony bin. With a sigh she tilted her head from side to side and rolled her shoulders in an attempt to ease the tension in her tired muscles.
She continued fidgeting in such a fashion until Nathan cleared his throat, causing her to stop and look at her partner guiltily. “Sorry.”
He shook his head, still hunched over his own stack of paperwork. “It’s not a problem, but it was getting a little distracting.”
“I’m sorry,” she apologized again before settling back into her chair and attacking the stack of papers in front of her.
She managed to work for a straight half-hour until Laverne’s gruff voice crackled over the intercom. “Audrey, Sweetie, you have visitors.”
Looking over at Nathan, he merely shrugged in response. “Maybe it’s Chris and one of his friends?”
“I doubt it,” she answered with a frown. She hit the reply button. “Go ahead and send them back to my office.”
“Sure thing, Sweetie,” Lavern answered.
Leaning back in her chair, Audrey kept her eyes glued to the door and was surprised when three tall blonds walked into her office. The one at the front of the pack had a wide smile and a pair of the biggest blue eyes she had ever seen behind a pair of wire spectacles. He looked comfortable in a pair of linen slacks with a white button down shirt and an olive green tie that was loose around his neck, and a World War II era bomber jacket over that. The second man had messy blond hair, large lime green eyes and the biggest, bushiest eyebrows that Audrey had ever seen on a person. They were quite cartoonish in appearance, but that didn’t detract from the rather dignified air he gave off. And considering that he was wearing a three piece suit that was meticulously pressed, the man radiated dignified. That left the third man. Audrey almost didn’t see him standing behind the first two, except the aviator goggles resting on his dirty blond hair caught her eye. His pale blue eyes were large and innocent behind his square framed glasses, blinking rather owlishly as he looked about Audrey and Nathan’s office. He also wore linen slacks, with a button up shirt, a beige tie and a linen jacket. And was it Audrey’s imagination, or was that a polar bear cub snuggled against his chest?
“Can I help you?” she asked the trio.
“Yes, are you the one calling herself Audrey Parker?” the man with the green eyes asked in a smooth British accent.
Her eyebrows shot up. “And if I am?”
“Awesome! We finally found you!” the man in the bomber jacket said rather enthusiastically as he plopped down onto the couch.
“You’ve been looking for me?” she asked in confusion as the other two men sat down next to their friend.
“Yes, for quite some time,” the green eyed man replied with quick nod. “It’s been twenty-seven years since we’ve seen you last, though you were a brunette the last time.”
“She also called herself Lucy Ripley back then,” the man with the polar bear cub chimed in, though it didn’t seem that his two companions heard him.
“And exactly why have you been looking for her?” Nathan asked, standing up and walking around to the front of Audrey’s desk where he perched, putting himself between her and the three strange men.
“Who are you?” the man in the bomber jacket asked back, cocking his head to the side in confusion.
“Detective Nathan Wuornos, her partner,” Nathan explained coolly.
“Wow, look at you, all grown up!” the man in the bomber jacket gushed. “You were just a little kid the last time we saw you!”
Nathan’s hackles visibly rose. “I don’t remember you,” he said stiffly.
“Of course you wouldn’t,” the man with the polar bear cub answered calmly, adjusting the square framed glasses resting on his nose. “Unless you saw us every day, you wouldn’t have a reason to.”
The polar bear shifted, looked up at the man holding it, and asked, “Who are you again?”
The man’s shoulders slumped as he hung his head. “I’m Matthew Williams, your care taker,” he answered quietly.
Well that was a first, even by Haven’s standards. A talking polar bear cub. Imagine that.
“Okay, how about you introduce yourselves,” Audrey said, critically eyeing the trio.
“Fair enough,” the British man answered. “My name is Arthur Kirkland.”
“Yo, Alfred F. Jones, at your service,” the man in the bomber jacket answered with a quick, two fingered salute and a cocky smile.
“And I’m Matthew Williams,” Matthew said, shifting the polar bear cub in his lap. The bear in his lap blinked slowly and then snuggled against Matthew’s chest and drifted off to sleep.
“And what exactly do you do?” Nathan asked them, folding his arms across his chest and narrowing his eyes at them.
Alfred glanced at Arthur, who quietly sighed and then spoke. “We are the personifications of the United Kingdom, the United States of America, and Canada, respectively. I am literally a few thousand years old, have spent time chatting quite amiably with the likes of Richard the Lionheart and Winston Churchill, and fought in several wars. Alfred and Matthew are, understandably, much younger, being only a couple hundred years old, each.”
Given that every day events in Haven were weird, this one was certainly off the charts. Off the charts in a very big way. Audrey looked unimpressed. “Sure you are.”
Arthur sighed. “I told you she would take the news in this way.”
Alfred rolled his eyes. “That’s because you’re telling her everything in the wrong way.” He smiled broadly at Audrey before speaking. “I’m sure you’ve wondered why you always seem to look the same but have a different person’s memories.”
“And you’re saying that you know?” Audrey asked, her hopes lifting a little.
“Well, no, not really,” Alfred answered, lifting one finger to his chin as Audrey visibly wilted in front of him. “But we do know at least one thing for sure.”
Leaning back in her chair and muffling a groan of frustration, Audrey managed to mumble, “Of course you do.”
“We know that you’re special,” Matthew piped up, having been silent while Arthur and Alfred rather clumsily tried to explain exactly what Audrey was. “You’re special, like us. You are the human personification of Haven.”
The funny thing about living in Haven was after a couple of months the kookiest, most off-the-wall theories were entirely plausible. She’d seen people do incredible things that by all accounts should have been impossible. Pinching the bridge of her nose, Audrey sighed again. “Okay, I’ll bite. Go ahead and explain.”
“It’s why you can’t die. Not in the true sense of the word,” Arthur began, having considered where the best place to start was. “As long as Haven exists, you exist.”
“I’m with you so far,” Audrey prompted.
“However you do have a physical body that can die,” Alfred jumped in. “Your body can die, and it usually hurts like hell and sucks a lot, but you’ll always come back. What we haven’t been able to figure out is why certain physical features change. Though usually it’s just your hair. We’ve seen it straight, wavy and curly; brown, red, blond, and there was that one time it was black.”
“Okay,” Audrey said slowly. “So what about my memories?”
“We haven’t figured that out yet,” Matthew admitted, “and we’ve known you more or less from the beginning.”
“So in other words, you can’t tell me anything even remotely useful,” Audrey said through gritted teeth.
“We think that the town itself is trying to help by sending an avatar of itself with the memories of someone who might have useful knowledge,” Arthur jumped in. “Each time the memories that you have hold a key to ending the Troubles. The problem is that there’s usually a small group of people who seem to want to kill you whenever you appear. We’re as yet to figure out why they want your demise.”
“I’ve learned absolutely nothing from this meeting,” Audrey declared, throwing her hands up in frustration.
Nathan twisted to look at her. “I wouldn’t say that. Arthur here makes a good point. If you are the human embodiment of the town, it would make sense that the town is trying to help itself. So it created you to do that, each time giving you the memories of a person that could potentially help. Admit it, the FBI training from the real Audrey Parker has been pretty useful.”
“Yeah, I suppose so,” Audrey agreed slowly, “but that doesn’t really answer all of the questions I have. It only gives me more questions.”
“But every little bit helps, right?” Matthew asked, shifting the sleeping cub on his lap.
Audrey was startled, as Matthew had more or less become invisible as Arthur and Alfred dominated the conversation. She peered around Nathan and nodded. “It’s better than nothing, I suppose.”
“Well then, I would say that we’ve accomplished all that we can here,” Arthur said as he rose. Alfred also stood and offered a hand to Nathan, who looked at it as if he wasn’t quite sure what to do with it. Could anybody just shake America’s hand? What about Britain’s? Or, as Nathan suddenly remembered, Canada’s? Sensing Nathan’s discomfort, Arthur nudged his companion in the ribs and gave Nathan a polite nod. “Good afternoon to you.”
“Later, bro,” Alfred said, opting instead clapping Nathan on the shoulder and giving a flirtatious wink in Audrey’s direction. She gaped at him in response.
“Oh come along you tosser,” Arthur grumbled as he grabbed Alfred by the elbow and yanked him out of the office.
Nathan rolled his eyes and then headed back to his own desk to start in once again on the paperwork. Audrey was about to do the same when she realized that Matthew was still sitting rather awkwardly on the couch. He smiled weakly at her and carefully gestured to the sleeping polar bear cub on his lap.
“Sleeping bears, and all that,” he said by way of explanation, nervously chuckling.
“Does it happen often, Arthur and Alfred leaving you behind?” Audrey asked. Nathan looked up at her curiously, and then noticed that she was addressing the empty couch, only to realize that Matthew was still sitting there.
“Oh, all the time,” Matthew said. “But they’ll be back.” He paused and then laughed nervously. “I hope.”
Sure enough a few minutes later Arthur and Alfred came back in, both a little embarrassed. “Aren’t you coming, Canada?” Alfred asked a tad impatiently.
“Perhaps one of you could help me with Kumajirou?” Matthew asked. “He’s asleep, and he gets very cranky when suddenly woken.”
“Oh hand him to me,” Arthur said, leaning down and gently easing the sleeping polar bear cub into his own arms. Kumajirou stirred, but didn’t wake, much to everyone’s relief.
Once his beloved polar bear was safely tucked in Arthur’s arms, Matthew stood, adjusted his clothing and then carefully took his friend back. “Thank you very much. I’m sorry to have been a bother.”
Alfred rolled his eyes and headed for the door. “Yeah, sure. Come on, Britain has promised to buy us ice cream!”
“How nice of him,” Matthew said as he followed along. Arthur took up the rear, saying something along the lines he was only buying America ice cream because it would shut him up.
“There have been some weird days since I came here, but I’m pretty sure this one takes the cake,” Audrey said as she faced her partner, who had apparently given up on the paperwork and was now slouched in his chair, a stunned expression on his face.
“The human embodiments of actual nations. And I thought Haven on its own was weird,” he noted wryly.
“Apparently the whole world is weird and we’re just one kooky corner of it,” Audrey replied, rolling her eyes. “I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse.”
Nathan chuckled as he returned to his work, leaving his partner staring out their office door with a thoughtful expression on her face. As reluctant as she was to buy in to the whole explanation of being the human embodiment of a town, the more she thought about it, the more sense it made. There was so much more to Haven than what met the eye, and clearly nothing was never what it seemed.
Not even the people who populated it.
Fandoms: Haven, Axis Powers Hetalia
Characters: Audrey Parker, Nathan Wuornos, Great Britain, America, Canada (and Kumajirou)
Rating: K+
Words: 2,146
Warnings: Crossover, crack!fic, speculations
Spoilers: Generic for Haven seasons one and two, none of Axis Powers Hetalia.
Author's Note: So, I was thinking about Audrey's origin, and I started thinking about Hetalia and how you have the Nation-tans, and that maybe Audrey could be some sort of living embodiment of Haven. A Haven-tan, in a manner of speaking. And, uh, the idea of Audrey reacting to Kumajirou forgetting about Canada and voicing his confusion. Because talking animals are a new, even for Haven.
Anyway! Crack!fic ensued. Um, enjoy, I suppose. Oh yeah, one last note, I cleaned up Britain's mouth because I felt that he was trying to make a good impression and swearing like a drunken sailor on leave wasn't going to accomplish that, though he does call America a tosser at one point - though that's pretty tame compared to his usual. So now you can enjoy.
There were few things in the world more boring than paperwork, and Audrey Parker was currently drowning in a sea of it. There were several large piles on her desk that she was slowing working through, each requiring the creative editing that the Troubles produced so that if an outsider looked at it, they wouldn’t immediately toss the entire department in the loony bin. With a sigh she tilted her head from side to side and rolled her shoulders in an attempt to ease the tension in her tired muscles.
She continued fidgeting in such a fashion until Nathan cleared his throat, causing her to stop and look at her partner guiltily. “Sorry.”
He shook his head, still hunched over his own stack of paperwork. “It’s not a problem, but it was getting a little distracting.”
“I’m sorry,” she apologized again before settling back into her chair and attacking the stack of papers in front of her.
She managed to work for a straight half-hour until Laverne’s gruff voice crackled over the intercom. “Audrey, Sweetie, you have visitors.”
Looking over at Nathan, he merely shrugged in response. “Maybe it’s Chris and one of his friends?”
“I doubt it,” she answered with a frown. She hit the reply button. “Go ahead and send them back to my office.”
“Sure thing, Sweetie,” Lavern answered.
Leaning back in her chair, Audrey kept her eyes glued to the door and was surprised when three tall blonds walked into her office. The one at the front of the pack had a wide smile and a pair of the biggest blue eyes she had ever seen behind a pair of wire spectacles. He looked comfortable in a pair of linen slacks with a white button down shirt and an olive green tie that was loose around his neck, and a World War II era bomber jacket over that. The second man had messy blond hair, large lime green eyes and the biggest, bushiest eyebrows that Audrey had ever seen on a person. They were quite cartoonish in appearance, but that didn’t detract from the rather dignified air he gave off. And considering that he was wearing a three piece suit that was meticulously pressed, the man radiated dignified. That left the third man. Audrey almost didn’t see him standing behind the first two, except the aviator goggles resting on his dirty blond hair caught her eye. His pale blue eyes were large and innocent behind his square framed glasses, blinking rather owlishly as he looked about Audrey and Nathan’s office. He also wore linen slacks, with a button up shirt, a beige tie and a linen jacket. And was it Audrey’s imagination, or was that a polar bear cub snuggled against his chest?
“Can I help you?” she asked the trio.
“Yes, are you the one calling herself Audrey Parker?” the man with the green eyes asked in a smooth British accent.
Her eyebrows shot up. “And if I am?”
“Awesome! We finally found you!” the man in the bomber jacket said rather enthusiastically as he plopped down onto the couch.
“You’ve been looking for me?” she asked in confusion as the other two men sat down next to their friend.
“Yes, for quite some time,” the green eyed man replied with quick nod. “It’s been twenty-seven years since we’ve seen you last, though you were a brunette the last time.”
“She also called herself Lucy Ripley back then,” the man with the polar bear cub chimed in, though it didn’t seem that his two companions heard him.
“And exactly why have you been looking for her?” Nathan asked, standing up and walking around to the front of Audrey’s desk where he perched, putting himself between her and the three strange men.
“Who are you?” the man in the bomber jacket asked back, cocking his head to the side in confusion.
“Detective Nathan Wuornos, her partner,” Nathan explained coolly.
“Wow, look at you, all grown up!” the man in the bomber jacket gushed. “You were just a little kid the last time we saw you!”
Nathan’s hackles visibly rose. “I don’t remember you,” he said stiffly.
“Of course you wouldn’t,” the man with the polar bear cub answered calmly, adjusting the square framed glasses resting on his nose. “Unless you saw us every day, you wouldn’t have a reason to.”
The polar bear shifted, looked up at the man holding it, and asked, “Who are you again?”
The man’s shoulders slumped as he hung his head. “I’m Matthew Williams, your care taker,” he answered quietly.
Well that was a first, even by Haven’s standards. A talking polar bear cub. Imagine that.
“Okay, how about you introduce yourselves,” Audrey said, critically eyeing the trio.
“Fair enough,” the British man answered. “My name is Arthur Kirkland.”
“Yo, Alfred F. Jones, at your service,” the man in the bomber jacket answered with a quick, two fingered salute and a cocky smile.
“And I’m Matthew Williams,” Matthew said, shifting the polar bear cub in his lap. The bear in his lap blinked slowly and then snuggled against Matthew’s chest and drifted off to sleep.
“And what exactly do you do?” Nathan asked them, folding his arms across his chest and narrowing his eyes at them.
Alfred glanced at Arthur, who quietly sighed and then spoke. “We are the personifications of the United Kingdom, the United States of America, and Canada, respectively. I am literally a few thousand years old, have spent time chatting quite amiably with the likes of Richard the Lionheart and Winston Churchill, and fought in several wars. Alfred and Matthew are, understandably, much younger, being only a couple hundred years old, each.”
Given that every day events in Haven were weird, this one was certainly off the charts. Off the charts in a very big way. Audrey looked unimpressed. “Sure you are.”
Arthur sighed. “I told you she would take the news in this way.”
Alfred rolled his eyes. “That’s because you’re telling her everything in the wrong way.” He smiled broadly at Audrey before speaking. “I’m sure you’ve wondered why you always seem to look the same but have a different person’s memories.”
“And you’re saying that you know?” Audrey asked, her hopes lifting a little.
“Well, no, not really,” Alfred answered, lifting one finger to his chin as Audrey visibly wilted in front of him. “But we do know at least one thing for sure.”
Leaning back in her chair and muffling a groan of frustration, Audrey managed to mumble, “Of course you do.”
“We know that you’re special,” Matthew piped up, having been silent while Arthur and Alfred rather clumsily tried to explain exactly what Audrey was. “You’re special, like us. You are the human personification of Haven.”
The funny thing about living in Haven was after a couple of months the kookiest, most off-the-wall theories were entirely plausible. She’d seen people do incredible things that by all accounts should have been impossible. Pinching the bridge of her nose, Audrey sighed again. “Okay, I’ll bite. Go ahead and explain.”
“It’s why you can’t die. Not in the true sense of the word,” Arthur began, having considered where the best place to start was. “As long as Haven exists, you exist.”
“I’m with you so far,” Audrey prompted.
“However you do have a physical body that can die,” Alfred jumped in. “Your body can die, and it usually hurts like hell and sucks a lot, but you’ll always come back. What we haven’t been able to figure out is why certain physical features change. Though usually it’s just your hair. We’ve seen it straight, wavy and curly; brown, red, blond, and there was that one time it was black.”
“Okay,” Audrey said slowly. “So what about my memories?”
“We haven’t figured that out yet,” Matthew admitted, “and we’ve known you more or less from the beginning.”
“So in other words, you can’t tell me anything even remotely useful,” Audrey said through gritted teeth.
“We think that the town itself is trying to help by sending an avatar of itself with the memories of someone who might have useful knowledge,” Arthur jumped in. “Each time the memories that you have hold a key to ending the Troubles. The problem is that there’s usually a small group of people who seem to want to kill you whenever you appear. We’re as yet to figure out why they want your demise.”
“I’ve learned absolutely nothing from this meeting,” Audrey declared, throwing her hands up in frustration.
Nathan twisted to look at her. “I wouldn’t say that. Arthur here makes a good point. If you are the human embodiment of the town, it would make sense that the town is trying to help itself. So it created you to do that, each time giving you the memories of a person that could potentially help. Admit it, the FBI training from the real Audrey Parker has been pretty useful.”
“Yeah, I suppose so,” Audrey agreed slowly, “but that doesn’t really answer all of the questions I have. It only gives me more questions.”
“But every little bit helps, right?” Matthew asked, shifting the sleeping cub on his lap.
Audrey was startled, as Matthew had more or less become invisible as Arthur and Alfred dominated the conversation. She peered around Nathan and nodded. “It’s better than nothing, I suppose.”
“Well then, I would say that we’ve accomplished all that we can here,” Arthur said as he rose. Alfred also stood and offered a hand to Nathan, who looked at it as if he wasn’t quite sure what to do with it. Could anybody just shake America’s hand? What about Britain’s? Or, as Nathan suddenly remembered, Canada’s? Sensing Nathan’s discomfort, Arthur nudged his companion in the ribs and gave Nathan a polite nod. “Good afternoon to you.”
“Later, bro,” Alfred said, opting instead clapping Nathan on the shoulder and giving a flirtatious wink in Audrey’s direction. She gaped at him in response.
“Oh come along you tosser,” Arthur grumbled as he grabbed Alfred by the elbow and yanked him out of the office.
Nathan rolled his eyes and then headed back to his own desk to start in once again on the paperwork. Audrey was about to do the same when she realized that Matthew was still sitting rather awkwardly on the couch. He smiled weakly at her and carefully gestured to the sleeping polar bear cub on his lap.
“Sleeping bears, and all that,” he said by way of explanation, nervously chuckling.
“Does it happen often, Arthur and Alfred leaving you behind?” Audrey asked. Nathan looked up at her curiously, and then noticed that she was addressing the empty couch, only to realize that Matthew was still sitting there.
“Oh, all the time,” Matthew said. “But they’ll be back.” He paused and then laughed nervously. “I hope.”
Sure enough a few minutes later Arthur and Alfred came back in, both a little embarrassed. “Aren’t you coming, Canada?” Alfred asked a tad impatiently.
“Perhaps one of you could help me with Kumajirou?” Matthew asked. “He’s asleep, and he gets very cranky when suddenly woken.”
“Oh hand him to me,” Arthur said, leaning down and gently easing the sleeping polar bear cub into his own arms. Kumajirou stirred, but didn’t wake, much to everyone’s relief.
Once his beloved polar bear was safely tucked in Arthur’s arms, Matthew stood, adjusted his clothing and then carefully took his friend back. “Thank you very much. I’m sorry to have been a bother.”
Alfred rolled his eyes and headed for the door. “Yeah, sure. Come on, Britain has promised to buy us ice cream!”
“How nice of him,” Matthew said as he followed along. Arthur took up the rear, saying something along the lines he was only buying America ice cream because it would shut him up.
“There have been some weird days since I came here, but I’m pretty sure this one takes the cake,” Audrey said as she faced her partner, who had apparently given up on the paperwork and was now slouched in his chair, a stunned expression on his face.
“The human embodiments of actual nations. And I thought Haven on its own was weird,” he noted wryly.
“Apparently the whole world is weird and we’re just one kooky corner of it,” Audrey replied, rolling her eyes. “I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse.”
Nathan chuckled as he returned to his work, leaving his partner staring out their office door with a thoughtful expression on her face. As reluctant as she was to buy in to the whole explanation of being the human embodiment of a town, the more she thought about it, the more sense it made. There was so much more to Haven than what met the eye, and clearly nothing was never what it seemed.
Not even the people who populated it.
