Writer's Block: Sticks and stones
Oct. 28th, 2010 03:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mercy_angel_09[Error: unknown template qotd]
Honestly, it wasn't even meant as an insult, but I found the implications behind it very offensive.
A couple of years ago a friend sent me an instant message shortly after I had signed into my messenger service. He inquired into what I was doing, when I replied that I had just woken up, so I was having a cup of coffee while watching Regis and Kelly and trying to figure out what I wanted for breakfast.
He then quipped back that I was obviously being lazy. He had already attended two classes that day, and I that I really needed to get my butt in gear so that I could get to class myself. Or work. He wasn't sure which, but he automatically assumed that I probably had to deal with both.
Now, this friend and I really hadn't talked since he moved out of town a few years before this, so it wasn't like he really knew what my life was doing at this point. I can't fault him for that, but I would have assumed that he knew enough about me to realize that insinuating that I was "lazy" because I had gotten up at nine was probably a bad idea.
I then tensely replied that I had graduated with my B.A. in history the year before, and because I had been planning on going to graduate school, had quit my job. Graduate school ended up being a bust, and because I had married and married well I didn't have to work, but I was in the process of looking for a job.
Needless to say, my friend was a little taken aback, and tried to dig himself out of the hole, claiming that he hadn't figured that I had already graduated. Yes, I realize that it took me a bit longer than most people, but I worked my way through college on a little above minimum wage, and so I took as many classes as I could afford at the time. But I had finished and was in the process of looking into either graduate school or a job. (Those of you who follow my LJ know exactly what happened, and I'm not looking to share the details with the rest of the world, but long story short, things aren't going well on either side of the coin.)
I answered back that I understood that he and I hadn't talked in a while, but considering that most people our age have either dropped out completely or already graduated (unless pursuing Masters or Doctorates) it was insulting that he automatically assumed that I wasn't done with school. Just because he hadn't gotten his AA yet didn't mean that I hadn't either. I have an A.A. and a B.A., and I suppose this is what I get for figuring that my friends at least had a vague idea of what I was planning with my life.
I've been avoiding him since, not because I feel that he's some kind of loser for not even having his A.A. yet, but because I really don't need someone like him in my life. We were friends, but never especially close, so it's not like I really miss his presence. I chalk it up to the passage of time.
As to actually forgiving him...I honestly don't know. I tend to forget about it until someone asks about insults and unintentional barbs, and whenever I think about it I tend to get a bit snippy because given my personality type, not finishing college was never an option for me.
Honestly, it wasn't even meant as an insult, but I found the implications behind it very offensive.
A couple of years ago a friend sent me an instant message shortly after I had signed into my messenger service. He inquired into what I was doing, when I replied that I had just woken up, so I was having a cup of coffee while watching Regis and Kelly and trying to figure out what I wanted for breakfast.
He then quipped back that I was obviously being lazy. He had already attended two classes that day, and I that I really needed to get my butt in gear so that I could get to class myself. Or work. He wasn't sure which, but he automatically assumed that I probably had to deal with both.
Now, this friend and I really hadn't talked since he moved out of town a few years before this, so it wasn't like he really knew what my life was doing at this point. I can't fault him for that, but I would have assumed that he knew enough about me to realize that insinuating that I was "lazy" because I had gotten up at nine was probably a bad idea.
I then tensely replied that I had graduated with my B.A. in history the year before, and because I had been planning on going to graduate school, had quit my job. Graduate school ended up being a bust, and because I had married and married well I didn't have to work, but I was in the process of looking for a job.
Needless to say, my friend was a little taken aback, and tried to dig himself out of the hole, claiming that he hadn't figured that I had already graduated. Yes, I realize that it took me a bit longer than most people, but I worked my way through college on a little above minimum wage, and so I took as many classes as I could afford at the time. But I had finished and was in the process of looking into either graduate school or a job. (Those of you who follow my LJ know exactly what happened, and I'm not looking to share the details with the rest of the world, but long story short, things aren't going well on either side of the coin.)
I answered back that I understood that he and I hadn't talked in a while, but considering that most people our age have either dropped out completely or already graduated (unless pursuing Masters or Doctorates) it was insulting that he automatically assumed that I wasn't done with school. Just because he hadn't gotten his AA yet didn't mean that I hadn't either. I have an A.A. and a B.A., and I suppose this is what I get for figuring that my friends at least had a vague idea of what I was planning with my life.
I've been avoiding him since, not because I feel that he's some kind of loser for not even having his A.A. yet, but because I really don't need someone like him in my life. We were friends, but never especially close, so it's not like I really miss his presence. I chalk it up to the passage of time.
As to actually forgiving him...I honestly don't know. I tend to forget about it until someone asks about insults and unintentional barbs, and whenever I think about it I tend to get a bit snippy because given my personality type, not finishing college was never an option for me.
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no subject
Date: 2010-10-29 03:57 pm (UTC)But at least he doesn't seem to be someone close to you, because the insult usually hits harder when it is. =/
no subject
Date: 2010-10-29 04:08 pm (UTC)He dropped out with something like one or two quarters left to go, moved out of the state, and I spent most of that time not talking to him. When he messaged me, it was quite out of the blue. I don't know why he figured that I was in the same boat as him - I had always been quite candid about my plans for the future.
Most of the time I forget about it, but then someone will bring up something that reminds me and I find myself getting irritated all over again.